The Tabloid President

daily-mail-tabloid-newspaper-press-journalism-news-industry-national-ap2xb3Don’t worry.  No one is really going to “normalize” Tabloid Donny.  It’s true the mainstream media do their best – they cover his Nazi post-election campaign rallies as if they were news.  They parse the sayings of his designated stooge Sean Spicer as if Spicer is intended to “brief” the press, failing to recognize that Spicer’s obvious role is to deflect, to lie, and to bait the media with calculated outrage.  But don’t worry – Don the Con is a practiced carnival barker; he sucks the air from the room – he’s always going to “be the news” and the news will never be “normal”.   Investigations getting too hot? – we’ll carry a week of air time with a smear of “Pocahontas” Warren – “aren’t I clever folks? – audacious” – maybe hint we’ll blow up the world over North Korea (have they “stepped over the line”?) – and oh, I know, it’ll drive them crazy, I’ll invite that murderous Filipino asshole – what’s his name? – Duterte? – yeah I’ll invite him to dinner.  Praise Erdogan and Putin too – my base’ll love it – the press will have a stroke.  I know, get a picture of me eating cake while I fire missiles – cool enough for you?  You got more of that fabulous cake?  When are we golfing tomorrow?

So don’t worry.  Nothing is going to be normalized as Don of Little Fingers dismantles our federal agencies, destroys our panoply of civil rights, undermines our courts, empowers racists and fascists and nativist thugs.  Don the Narcissist of the fat ass and diminutive tool set has you covered.  He’s “the news” for the next four years – for life if he can make it.

So get used to it, or fight it like you mean it.  Meantime, since Don the Don is so much better than I am at those nasty little epithets – “Crooked Hillary”  “Little Mario”, “Lying Cruz” – I hereby announce as a world first, the first ever Lyin’ Don the Pussy-Grabber epithet contest.

Send me your most creative nasty epithets by June 1 and I promise to immortalize the best of the litter right here on Fleet Street.  Give it a shot.  Trump the Dump?  Dirty Don?  He of the Golden Showers?  Herr Drumpf?  Maybe we can make an epithet stick. Something mean and clever enough to go viral.  Come on.  I dare ya.


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