This just in. Chaos and travel disruptions are reported at international airports throughout Europe in response to an emergency travel ban on US citizens declared by the six nations of Iceland, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, and Belgium. Norwegian spokesman Lars Nordrum, responding to questions at the Stortinget, declared that the emergency measures had been issued in response to the “Bowling Green Massacre” and reports by the American president of an undetermined “incident” in Sweden. “In light of the rampant domestic violence in the US and the high rate of homicides, we felt it best to issue the ban ‘sooner rather than later’ until we can figure out what is going on. Our national security must remain paramount.”
NATO spokesmen in Brussels report considerable confusion among American military families. No explicit exception has been made for the American military, leading to numerous spokesmen questioning the impact on American treaty obligations. In the meantime, large numbers of American travelers are reported to be stranded at airports where incoming flights containing American flight crew have been cancelled.
When asked whether the emergency ban had been issued in response to the American ban on Muslims and the large anti-American demonstrations in European capitals, Mr. Nordrum denied any such correlations. “Americans, of course, remain our closest friends and allies,” he declared. “Still, you can’t be too careful when it comes to safety.”
Reached at the White House for comment, Mr. Trump was seen to consult briefly with chief strategist Steve Bannon before issuing this response. “The United States will not be intimidated by rogue nations bowing to the pressure of Islamic radicals. I am putting all military personnel on alert and will be meeting with my generals to determine the nature of our response. You may rest assured that this insult to all free nations will not go unanswered.”