“This is Wolf Blitzer reporting live outside the White House where security personnel have instituted a lock-down amid wild rumors. A usually reliable source has informed me that earlier today, at approximately 2:15 pm, the White House was approached by a group of four men costumed in medieval garb and requesting an audience with Mr. Trump. Their leader was an elderly bearded man with a long staff who claimed the President is under the spell of an evil adviser who he named as “Wormtongue” O’Bannon – an apparent reference to high ranking adviser Steve Bannon of Breitbart. The old man, ha, get this, says he was sent by “the eldars” to conduct an intervention with the President and that we on the earth were but “walking on the edge”. Thereafter, one of the four, a short, stout fellow, was seen to become belligerent when questioned on his identity. Backup security was promptly called including a SWAT squad and ICE agents. Preliminary reports indicate that the four were detained for lack of appropriate identity papers, that they refused to give proof of their country of origin, and that they speak several languages none of which has been identified by local language experts.”
“The current lock down was ordered shortly thereafter when despite the arrest and detention, the four were spotted entering the White House without escort. Some speculate that the old man is a master of hypnosis as he apparently talked security personnel into effecting their release. We’ve asked the White House to provide a spokesman and understand someone should be here…Wait, Wait, Hey Steve, Steve Bannon, over here, just a couple questions… Steve?
“Wolf, you know I don’t do fake news, CNN is banned.”
“Steve, just a quick one – what is going on in there? Is the President okay?”
“It’s that damn wizard Wolf. I’ve been playing The Donald like a kazoo – place on the security council, war on Islam, deportations, defang EPA, knife ol’ Flynn in the back – like he didn’t deserve it right? What does that wizard do? – hocus pocus – flips his staff around and kerbang! – there’s the Old Donald – good as new. Looking for pussy. President of the United States and all he wants is pussy. Can you believe it. What a waste of my time. Blunt instrument indeed.”
“But the President, Steve. Is he okay?”
“Fit as a fiddle Wolf. Says he’s gonna resign and build his wall down at Mar a Lago. Spilling the beans on the election too. The way it was rigged with the Russkies and all. Looks to me like they’ll hold new elections. Hey Wolf I really gotta go. Not sure I’m gonna be appreciated here much longer. Ciao.”